How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
