did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
