he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
