sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
