sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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