sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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