Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
