Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
