You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
