Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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