So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
