Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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