I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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