i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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