You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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