I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
