he told me I talked like a deaf person
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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