Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
