Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
