Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
