she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
