We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
