my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
