Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
