don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
