grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
