That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize