he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
