what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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