One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
