everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
