hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
