just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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