Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
