Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
