P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The air taste purple.
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