I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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