I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
