i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
