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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
