ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
