seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
