i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
