Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
