Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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