i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
