Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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