You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
