I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
