I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
