Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
