Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
