All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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