just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
