I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
