When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
