Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize