Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
