dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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