If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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