do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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