I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
