Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
