Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
