I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
