you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
