Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
