I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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