all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
