The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you never un-have a 4some
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