Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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