Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
