Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found puke in my bra..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
